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eWire: Let's start the boring basic stuff: your home and how long you've been riding.
Jared: I live in Brighton, Massachusetts, 02135, and...let's go with '83 or '84.
Wow, 84 years... (laughter)
We're not talking years. So what's that? Like 14 years I guess.
Favorite old school riders.
Do they have to be nonexistent? Can they still ride?
Yeah. Pick one defunct, one current, and one New Englander.
Well, my favorite present-day old school rider would have to be John Cote. Defunct I'd have to go with Joe Johnson, but I could use that for New Englander, too.
And present-day, too, for that matter.
That's true, too. I saw him do a tailwhip about a month and a half ago. Um, I need a regular old school rider...
You know it's Adam Jung (laughter).
Adam Jung has got some moves.
Jim Cavanaugh: Mark McKee (laughter).
Speaking of Mark McKee, my next question is: McCircle or spastic forkwheelie?
I'd have to go with spastic forkwheelie since I was once a 13-down Expert rider.
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Why don't more flatlanders go dirt jumping?
Because they don't want to get their bikes dirty.
That's right; there WAS a correct answer to that. This one doesn't have a correct answer: What's the dumbest trick name?
Well, you could go national or New England. If you go New England there's tons of 'em (laughter), most invented by Geoff Goldthwaite. You got your nordblum, your lukewarm porno queen...
What about one most people would know?
I don't know...switch bitch?
Who's older: Dennis McCoy, Keith McElhinney, or Bob Dole?
I'd have to go with McElhinney on that one, even though it'll probably get me killed.
Rollerbooters: extreme or extremely annoying?
Extremely annoying.
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That was an easy one. Okay, Brian gave me a bunch of questions. Have you ever invented a trick and called it the "Ja-rad"?
(laughing) No.
Jim: Not yet (laughter).
I got some new ones in the works I could stick that name to.
What do you think of ESPN taking control of national riding comps? I can ask you this because you actually go to them.
I could go on forever about that. I don't go to them on purpose...
You just end up in Chicago, "Hey there's a contest!"
That wasn't ESPN, that was one of Hal Brindley's Play contests; that's a whole world away. A lot of people have their own opinions on ESPN and they talk a lot of shit, but nobody does anything about it except Hal. I guess it's cool for the riders who are getting money and stuff like that. Like if they're gonna get two grand, let 'em get two grand.
And free Slim Jims.
I say if they're willing to put up that kind of money let's just take their money.
As long as they don't make us look dumb on TV.
Yeah, there's that. I mean, you turn on the TV and Kevin Robinson's on there singing country songs...
Did that really happen?
Yeah.
That's scary.
Kevin can sing country, though, which is good. But there's a lot of bad things about it... (thinks) I won't travel to one anymore; the farthest I traveled for one was that New York contest, and we went home early. That says it all.
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Should tricks have names, especially flatland ones? Like, should "pinky squeaks to elephant glide whip to a turnaround to karl kruzer to blender to whatever" just be "I did a blender thing"?
I think it's gone way past that, it's impossible to name flatland strings anymore. As a matter of fact I was reading something on (the message board of) the Protyle Web page today, which is a bunch of random crap anyway -- just kids talking about what kind of bike Taj rides and stuff. Kids were saying that tricks should have names so people can describe to other people what riders are doing at contests. I don't know...
Jim: If you know all the tricks, you can do it: "He did this and this..."
Yeah, but if I tried to describe one of Trevor's runs, I'd be talking forever. That's why it's funny listening to ESPN trying to describe flatland. They can only describe half of it, and that's only 'cause Leif does the commentary for them.
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Jim: It's not that bad, really. I watched it the other night, the Florida contest. They did all right with the flatland.
Leif was telling me how he was sitting in the corner with a microphone telling them what all the tricks were, and he felt all embarrassed and stuff (laughter). I guess he said Trevor did something and on the tape Leif called it "inward dick to switch bitch". And they (ESPN) called up and said "On this tape you say 'inward dick to switch bitch'?" He's like, "Yeah...you can call it a switch-b to lard yard instead." But...trick names are bad.
What would you say to a 12 year old kid who sincerely wanted to start riding?
Jim: Don't (laughter).
Naw, if someone's sincere about it then it's totally cool. But if they come down and they're not gonna ride then...
F 'em.
Yeah. But if they're sincere about it then that's cool. With flatland it's harder, but there's dirt jumpers who are real good who are...I dunno, not even big enough to see over their handlebars.
The last question is actually a series: are you in school, do you work, are you in love, are you getting married?
(laughs) That's ONE question?
One big-ass question.
Um, I'm in school for graphic design...
How long do you have left?
That's an impossible question. I'm almost done, but I've been almost done for a long time; I could be "almost done" for the next ten years. Um, I work for a fashion magazine, I do their art direction.
Jim: Put their art in the right direction (laughter).
I tell them which direction to throw it in.
Are you in love?
I would have to say yes, but I'm not getting married. I'm waiting for Cote and Ali to get married, but the problem is they're waiting for us to get married.
So it's just a matter of which girlfriend gives the first ultimatum.
Yeah, I guess so. Don't tell them that, though.
Hope they don't have Web access (laughter).
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