Ain't Talkin' 'bout Soccer

We're well into the football season now, and I wish that the games were played more than once a week. Don't start thinking that I'm a football fan, 'cause I'm not. I won't watch a football game unless:

1. there's nothing else on (and if I'm desperate enough to contemplate watching football, an old "Who's the Boss" rerun would be considered "something"), and
2. the power switch on the TV is broken and I can't turn it off.

The reason I'd actually like to have more football games played is for one reason only: so guys won't have time to analyze the hell out of every stupid move done on the field. I can handle "Monday morning quarterbacks" because they're pretty much limited to one day a week; even baseball has is "next-day managers" (for lack of an un-coined term). But what really drives me nuts are these guys like Dick Butkis (why he chooses not to call himself "Richard" is beyond me) who blabber on and on about the ins and outs and the teams and the players and the coaches and the injuries and the weather and last week's game and the previous matchup and the playoff possibilites and bowl games to jock guys whose idea of a real swell weekend is sucking down cheap beer and watching steroid- injected giants smash into each other, all while impatiently waiting for the Super Bowl so they can try to win back the money they lost when they bet on Bud Light in the "Bud Bowl". (Do I win a prize for the worst run-on sentence on the Web?)

This much analysis isn't put into baseball, hockey or basketball games. Why? I'm guessing one reason is that since most teams play almost every day, there just isn't enough time. With football teams playing once every week (or even two), it gives sportcasters and "football experts" plenty of time to blow smoke out of their asses about each upcoming pro and college matchup. So if there were games on a near-daily basis, the importance of each game would be lessened, people wouldn't have time to talk too much about each game, and as a result there wouldn't have to be two-hour pre-game shows.

But I guess that will never be. For one thing, if there wasn't a large demand for football analysts, players wouldn't have something to look forward to after a shattered knee ends their career. I guess you've achieved pigskin nirvana if you can get a job broadcasting football after your pro career is over. If you're really lucky you can get off on double murder charges, too.