The Green Day of Emo

by Brian Tunney

On or about five years ago, the major record labels discovered the phenomenon known as pop punk. Agents scrambled to Berkeley, CA and scoured the rosters at Lookout! Records before signing their fondest prospects.

That prospect was Green Day, three twenty-something Californians with a penchant for gas station jackets, green hair and simple formula for, well, pop punk music (for lack of a better description). Green Day rose to the top of buzz bin everywhere. Radio stations drilled their songs into heads throughout the U.S. (I can still bust out a mean Karaoke jam of any song off of the Dookie CD any day of the week.) MTV touted them as the next big thing. They even went so far as to letting them climb the "off limits" MTV globe at one of those grand 90-something video music awards. Kids everywhere pulled pay phones off the hook and compared chain wallet lengths. Green Day, in a nutshell, were fuckin' hot and tailor-made for big bucks in the mid 90's.

But like grunge before it, the snotty attitudes, thrift store clothes, and most of all, the music, got really old. Still, Green Day continued. Billy Joe wrote the infamous "Time of Your Life" acoustic ballad. It squeezed the dying life out of what had made Green Day into a success. It went straight into prom theme song mode and even reared its ugly head on the series finale of Seinfeld. It was commercial, un-punk and pure shit to the die-hard fans of Green Day. Green Day is over. And in no way is Blink 182 going to take their place. It is time for something new in the greedy eyes of the commercial record label.

For several labels, that would be the boy pop band formula made popular by the New Kids on the Block and New Edition. But still others, dedicated to newer discoveries with a groundbreaking sound, have leveled their sights on another genre of music: emocore. (Don't curse me. I hate that name too.)

As of right now, the majors are scouting college towns across the U.S. searching for that one great emo buzz band to bring to the masses. They'll be touted as the next great thing in music, edging out Green Day and sinking one more nail in the pop punk coffin.

And the following are the candidates that may be that next big thing, and a few remarks on why or why not they may work as MTV's first emo buzz band.

Hot Water Music: The vocals here are much too harsh for the masses to consume. And the music, although catchy and heartfelt, lacks the bouncy pop edge needed for radio play. But what really keeps Hot Water Music from becoming the first big emo buzz band is their lack of hair gel and the occasional wearing of beards. Sloppy facial hair has no place on MTV, and unfortunately, neither do mullets.

Jimmy Eat World: Ah yes. Here we have four thin and sensitive young men, playing catchy emotional music, on a major label even. Jimmy Eat World was the first to try, unsuccessfully, at becoming that first great emo buzz band. The problem is this. They dumped a ton of money into production. They used xylophones, keyboards and vocal effects, and unfortunately, now sound like another New Kids on the block rip off to the masses. That market is saturated right now. And the MTV generation could care less if they actually play their instruments, unlike the Backstreet Boys. The real slap in the face here is that they do dress well, wear hair gel and even look somewhat decent. Oh well.

Jejune: The masses will never like fuzz pop with a french name. Ever.

The Promise Ring: The music is catchy. And girls swoon for the lead singer. If anyone deserves to make a lot of money off of this thing, it would be these guys. They paved the avenue for rip-off bands galore, crashed their tour van and made it all right to sing about Jesus. Their downfall would be their diehard D.I.Y. ethic. They've already done a video, which has appeared on MTV, and even did it on an indie budget. The masses do not take well to D.I.Y. ethics, echoing past un-heroes such as Prince and The Artist Formerly Known As Prince.

The Get Up Kids: These boys had their chance. The labels circled this emo band with the cutest name like sharks in a feeding frenzy. But somehow, they decided on indie label Vagrant Records. Who knows why? The music and the image is perfect for MTV, radio play and eventual guest slots on Saturday Night Live. Could it be that they actually have a conscience? Or is it possible that their religious upbringing has made them shy away from emo buzz band stardom? You decide.

Rainer Maria: A write up in Spin. Two overly stylish and thinner than thin young men. Bleeding heart lyrics and music not too out of place for the Lilith Fair. Attitudes with a smile not afraid to model $180 jeans. I think I smell the potential first buzz band of the 'emo' scene.

Rainer Maria's latest release wins the most radio friendly girl/boy emo-pop this side of Green Day Dookie award. And what make it an even greater candidate is the fact that their lyrics are the "I love you" relationship type standard fare that made Rod Stewart and Michael Bolton the men they are today.

If I had to choose the emo buzz band that would sink the final nail in Green Day's pop punk coffin, it would be Rainer Maria. And then a final farewell can be said to the green hair and gas station jackets that made the mid 90's so utterly confusing.

A new era can be ushered in. One of hair gel and tight t-shirts, emotion and of course, money — the one facet of the music business that outlasted disco, alternative, grunge, pop punk and eventually, emo.

Uploaded October 1999