The 3 Most Important Factors In Bike Choice Are: Location, Location, Location

by Brian Tunney

It's a well known fact that location influences your choice in bike, more so than strength, quality or even image. Ok, well maybe image does have more of an important place in bike choice, but it's much harder to define on a geographical basis. And on the research conducted throughout the past year, the following conclusions have been hypothesized. If you take this seriously, you are not worthy of reading the remainder of the magazine.

East Coast U.S.A.: Welcome to Standard country. Standards run rampant throughout the New England and greater New York area. And Pennsylvania is striving to overcome Standard country-itis, but the state as a whole has still fallen short. Still, the numbers of Standards have diminished in recent years in PA. Moving down the east coast towards the middle Atlantic is merely puzzling. There is no general consensus among the masses as to what bike is right for the these states, including Virginia, the Carolina's, and due south, until Florida.

Florida, home of the east coast faction of the GT team and Clayborn, is anybody's guess. Name any kind of bike and you'll find it there, from Jeff Harrington's Profile to Dave Brumlow's Powerlite. Gosh, even Terrible One frames have been spotted in Florida. Florida, as far as the east coast is concerned, probably holds the greatest number of free-thinking bike riders who are unafraid to ride whatever is handed them. Kudos to the land that brings us citrus fruits, Mickey Mouse and trails constructed with sand.

Midwest U.S.A.: The midwestern U.S. varies greatly from state to state, depending on what bike company manufacturer is most proximate to said bike riders. Iowa is pure, unabated Standard territory. Those without a Standard in Iowa either buy a Standard, stop riding or fall into a bottomless chasm. Ohio is home to many DK S.O.B's and General Lee's and also home to DK.

Michigan is home to Albe's, so variety is abundant there. Mark Flippowicz rides a Bully. Mike Ardelean's little brother rides a Huffy. Pat Schraeder left Michigan for Ohio and now rides an FBM. And James McGraw rode a damn Kuwahara scooter.

Kansas City, Missouri is home to Dennis McCoy. Many old Mongoose and K2 frames have been spotted there, as have Primo Stiffy pegs and handlebars jacked far north into Chicago territory.

Wisconsin is tricky. Chris Rye rides a T1 and a Hoffman. Mark Hilson rides a Dyno. Dave Friemuth rides a Huffy. And Jim Reinstra rides a Standard. Wisconsin is also home to Trek and Gary Fisher, who have no influence on any people who ride. Not far off from Wisconsin is Minnesota, where Tom Haugen rides his near death-looking GT to the extreme, as does Trevor Meyer whenever he visits home. Most puzzling in Minnesota is Krt Schmidt, former part owner of Standard, who is said to not even ride a Standard. Who knows what the kids ride in these states, but Krt is the proud owner of a Huffy*.

Moving into the south midwest is Texas. Texas is anyone's guess. Ruben Castillo went from a Dyno to a Skyway to a Homeless to a GT. Taj went from his own signature Hoffman frame to different models of DK's and right back to his signature frame, which is now a Terrible One. Most baffling to me in Texas is that half of the old Homeless team now ride GT's. As for the kids, I am once again baffled.

Kids in Oklahoma ride Hoffman's. And most of those kids work at Hoffman Bikes too. Going west now...

Colorado: Welcome to Schwinn country. The only Colorado rider who doesn't ride a Schwinn is Troy McMurray. And he rides an S&M and lives in California anyway. Schwinn to win, Trek to wreck, as Jay Miron has put it.

Nevada: Kids don't ride in the desert. They have motorcycles.

Utah: Do you have to ask? If you lived in the same state as Fuzzy and just got into riding, you would most definitely ride his signature bike, the Fuzz, which is available at Wal-Marts everywhere. Going further west now.

California: S&M country, pure and simple. Standards are burned between sets at Sheep Hills or traded for cars in East LA. Basically, if you are not being paid to ride another type of bike in CA, you ride an S&M. And most paid pros ride S&M components with their companies' stickers on them. Ever seen Huffy Pitchforks or Mosh Slam Bars before? No, only in CA. How about a Specialized Next Generation Dirt Bike? Only in CA. This occurance is notably strange as GT is found just minutes away from the S&M warehouse. Why aren't GT forks and handlebars on all those Sheep Hill pros' bikes? Street credibility. And besides, the only people that ride GT bikes, besides the paid GT pros, are kids. Perhaps this is why the GT compound is the size of a small military base, complete with electric fencing. Go ride. I'm done with this.

*Postscript    Krt Schmidt sent me the following message, which may or may not clear things up...
"Hey, thought I'd give you a heads up -- I ride a Terrible One. Joe and Taj were kind enough to send me the first production model and it kicks a whole lot of ass (robo size)."

Uploaded December 1999