How to tell if you're a pre-school rider

by The White Bear

• You've been in a room drunk with McGoo (OK, this applies to pre-school, old school, and new school)
• You once had a neon bike and a number plate with your name on it.
• There's still a pair of leathers in the back of your closet.
• Your wife/girlfriend/roommates tell you to shut up every time you say "I know Dennis McCoy" while watching ESPN.
• You go to the Van's Skatepark and can name the three guys riding that big pool in the back.
• You know the name of that big pool in the back.
• You know what a "steamer" is.
• The word "King" comes to mind when someone mentions Eddie Fiola.
• You know who Mad Dog is, and you've seen him naked.
• You still know every word from Beastie Boys' Licensed to Ill.
• You know what a Velodrome is.
• Mike Sarrail once taught you a trick.
• You were almost in a van accident while Ron Wilkerson was driving.
• You make fun of people who ride without brakes.
• You've been ht by Dennis McCoy skidding off the ramp landing a 540.
• You've bumped into John Ker on the deck of a vert ramp.
• You once wondered if you were dual and silk.
• You once had a seatpost with a handle on it.
• You remember when miniramps were vert ramps.
• You know at least three people who are now millionaires but claim not to be.
• You've wondered if Bob Haro is gay.
• You know the Land of Oz was really in Torrance.
• You once wished YOUR dad would start a magazine.
• You've helped Matt Hoffman straighten his bars during a contest run.
• You can still do a curb endo.
• You've fallen on your ass recently trying a trick you used to pull every time.
• You've had a drunk walk up to you while you were riding and say, "I used to ride for Redline."
• You've walked up drunk to some young riders and said, "I used to ride for Kuwahara."
• You've jerked off thinking about Windy.
• You can finish this sentence: Alley oops are hard, lookbacks are harder, but _________."

Uploaded August 1999